begin proof draft

I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but i lied. will i ever be able to trust myself?

Story/0BattleRoyale.fountain

@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@ The right-hand wall is an unbroken expanse of stone, reliefed and gilded like th
 
 The floor is a polished poured-concrete dais, a few shallow steps down to a broader stone circle where contestants will gather. */
 
-A slow crane shot rises from the polished floor, up past the gilded columns and the chat-scroll friezes, and lands on the **royal box**: a draped dais bearing a single **LOW-BACKED OBSIDIAN THRONE**. Nothing else on the dais. No mod desk, no clipboard, no coffee. The absence is pointed.
+A slow crane shot rises from the polished floor, up past the gilded columns and the chat-scroll friezes, and lands on the **royal box**: a draped dais bearing a single **LOW-BACKED OBSIDIAN THRONE**. Nothing else on the dais. The absence is pointed.
 
 /* MOTD frame — real Blender-built stream asset. Do not redesign it. Gilded wood, baroque fleur-de-lis corner flourishes, amber/topaz cabochons, small bronze cursive nameplate reading "MOTD," suspended by two black cords from overhead. Inside the frame: the day's squirrel-girl portrait (proofread / swap in the intended ref). The acronym is NEVER spoken or spelled out. */
 
@@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ High on the wall behind the dais, suspended on two black cords, hangs the **MOTD
 
 Beside the throne, on a low embroidered cushion, one of Rain's throne-room pets: **BD** — small, cursed-cute, a white liquid-flesh drip of a creature with a pale face panel and **red eyes**. Chin on paws. Watching. Unbothered.
 
-From stage right, **RAINCLOUD** descends. Adult anthro dragon, five-eleven, purple base with warm-yellow segmented underbelly catching the house lights; a single pair of curving horns rising from above and behind a pair of sideways-set bovidae ears (cattle/goat cast, soft and leaf-shaped); magenta-violet bat wings folded high; a thick purple tail lined down the top by a single overlapping row of leaf-shaped scales (scutes, not braid), leaf-spade tuft trailing across the stones behind him. Green eyes, fixed. He moves with the uncanny precision of a creature who built the building.
+From stage right, **RAINCLOUD** descends. Adult anthro dragon, five-eleven, purple base with warm-yellow segmented underbelly catching the house lights; a single pair of curving horns rising from above and behind a pair of sideways-set bovidae ears (cattle/goat cast, soft and leaf-shaped); magenta-violet bat wings folded high; a thick purple tail lined down the top by a single overlapping row of leaf-shaped scales (scutes, not braid), leaf-spade tuft trailing across the stones behind him. Green eyes, fixed. He moves with the uncanny precision of a creature who crafted the universe.
 
 /* Raincloud — play to ref sheet, not PFP. Adult proportions, digitigrade, full wings and tail. PFP-style cheek blushes and starry halo are optional aura for stylized cutaways only; default on-camera look is the ref sheet. Colors on file: base #6b5388, horns #4a2299, ear cream #8d7776, wing membrane #6e2a80, underbelly #e1c77e, eyes #52904b. */
 
@@ -53,9 +53,9 @@ Rain settles on the throne, alone — BD on the cushion at his side the only oth
 
 RAINCLOUD
 (to camera, warm-hosting-voice)
-Welcome, welcome, welcome. To those returning to the court: you already know what this is. To those joining us for the first time: you are about to find out.
+Welcome, visitors! And to the subjects and citizens, welcome back. To those well acquainted with this court, its purpose needs no introduction. For the newcomers, may you find your way, and pray you maintain the comfort of your sanity.
 
-A beat. He scans the empty space beside him where a mod desk would normally sit. He does not acknowledge it.
+Beat.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
 Today we run **the BattleRoyale**. Our first. And today, no creature in my orbit sits it out. Not my oldest regulars. Not my vendors. Not my mod.
@@ -93,7 +93,7 @@ AZURE
 Raincloud leans forward in the throne, genial, merciless.
 
 RAINCLOUD
-You came to me with the concept. You did not, as I recall, include yourself on the roster.
+Yes, innit. You came to me with the concept. You did not, as I recall, include yourself on the roster.
 
 AZURE
 (very quickly)
@@ -111,12 +111,12 @@ Right. Right. Of course.
 Raincloud steeples his claws.
 
 RAINCLOUD
-Here is what I will do. I will honor your creativity. I will honor, also, your enthusiasm. So I am placing you on the roster. Front and center.
+Enough foreshadowing. Here is what I will do. I will honor your creativity. I will honor, also, your enthusiasm. So I am placing you on the roster. Front and center.
 
 He lets it land.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-Prove your worth in the arena you designed, and we will talk about what a creature like you deserves.
+Prove your worth in the arena you dreamt, and we will talk about what a creature like you deserves.
 
 Azure, recovering, pivots—skekSil reflex—into a theatrical, over-deep bow. The Cena tee bunches awkwardly around his waist.
 
@@ -138,14 +138,16 @@ SMASH TO:
 
 INT. VANITY FIELD - VOID
 
-A pool of spotlight. Black surround. Chains of subscriber-count banners rain from somewhere above and halt, hanging.
+A pool of spotlight. Black surround. Chains of chat log banners rain from somewhere above and halt, hanging.
 
-ADRIAN steps into the light first. Portrait-faithful—early-twenties, light-skinned Chicano, full brown curly hair, hoop earrings, mole on one cheek, crisp white collared jacket over black shirt. On his hip, in a plain leather sheath: a **green sword**, the literal form of the mod icon, rendered as physical steel. He rests his off hand on the pommel without looking at it, a gesture so habitual it barely registers. Shoulders loose, weight on one leg. Looks bored. His eyes are already working the spotlight's edges. A banner unfurls behind him:
+ADRIAN steps into the light first. Portrait-faithful—early-twenties, light-skinned Chicano, full brown curly hair, hoop earrings, mole on one cheek, crisp white collared jacket over black shirt. On his hip, in a plain leather sheath: a **green sword**, the literal form of the mod icon, rendered as physical steel. He rests his off hand on the pommel without looking at it, a gesture so habitual it barely registers. Shoulders loose, weight on one leg. His posture is bored, but his eyes are constantly surveying; they're already working the spotlight's edges. A banner unfurls behind him:
 
     **Adrian**
     *Axe7Adrian*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud appears on the outskirts of the vanity field, pacing as he speaks.
+
+RAINCLOUD
 First name on the badge. The green on his hip is not a costume choice. Has held rank longer than most of you have held your handles—longer, in fact, than most of you have known I exist. On the floor today by his own call, not mine—he and I work that way. Looks disinterested. Isn't. Eyes miss nothing. Will outlast most of you by the simple mechanism of having seen it all already.
 
 Adrian gives the camera one small nod, no pose. Exits. The sword never leaves the sheath.
@@ -157,10 +159,12 @@ Same void. **AZURE** steps in. He poses. A banner unfurls behind him:
     **ActuallyAzure**
     *guidingflyer530   ·   actuallynotazure*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud appears on the outskirts again, but this time, he's gigantic in the shadows. So large, in fact, that all you can see is his muzzle. The imagery is that of a beast that threatens to consume Azure, who comically doesn't notice the intimidation.
+
+RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
 Disgraced ex-Mod. Highly esteemed and beloved court jester who originated the Royale. Will he survive long enough to return to his former glory?
 
-Azure preens. The Cena shirt catches the light unflatteringly. He loves it.
+Azure preens. The Cena shirt catches the light unflatteringly. He loves it. Raincloud opens his mouth, unfurling his long tongue, and our view flies straight into his gaping maw. Promptly fade to black.
 
 CUT TO:
 
@@ -169,7 +173,9 @@ Same void. **AGATE** walks in—long, lithe, cream-and-coral feathered chimera,
     **Agate**
     *LoonyAgate*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud's pacing from the shadows resumes. He's returned to normal size, and paces in the background as usual.
+
+RAINCLOUD
 Quietest of the court, and one of the oldest. Has been in my orbit since long before most of this room could find the server. Patient as sand, soft-spoken as fog, and absolutely aware of every exit. She is here because she was invited. That is all she will say.
 
 Agate dips her head, a half-bow, and the tail-tuft flicks once.
@@ -181,7 +187,9 @@ Same void. **UBEAR** steps in—fez crooked, **red-with-yellow-band, black tasse
     **Ubear**
     *verify52w   ·   AncientMalgru*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud's shadow pacing continues.
+
+RAINCLOUD
 Imitator. Subverter. Wears whichever face the room requires and hates that it works. Ubear is his favorite mask, and he will die before he admits it.
 
 Ubear makes a rude gesture with the mechanical arm. The gears whine.
@@ -193,6 +201,8 @@ Same void. **NOTORIOUSROOSTER** steps in. A **large, baggy dark-green cloak** so
     **NotoriousRooster**
     *notorious_rooster*
 
+Raincloud is not present in the shadows this time. He is not visible.
+
 RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
 Through the door years ago, and never once fully through the hood. Voice like a siren, identity like a rumor. Louder than this arena has yet permitted, and still unseen.
 
@@ -205,10 +215,12 @@ Same void. **NONAME** walks in. Small anthro-adjacent dark cat, body unremarkabl
     **Noname**
     *noname106668*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud's shadow pacing resumes once more.
+
+RAINCLOUD
 Low heat. Low volume. Long memory. Speaks once an hour and half the time rewrites the room when he does. The antennae are not a bit.
 
-Noname does not pose. Does not blink. Stares at a point behind the camera for a beat too long. The antennae twitch again. Exits without moving the face.
+Noname does not pose. Stares at a point behind the camera for a beat too long. His cheshire-grin is disturbing. He slowly blinks, desynced; one eye after another. The antennae twitch again. Exits without moving the face.
 
 CUT TO:
 
@@ -219,19 +231,23 @@ Same void. **JENNI** enters, polite, composed. Anime-realistic anthro cat girl
     **Jenni**
     *JenniMilano*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
-Commissioned artist of the court. Her work hangs on these walls. Present today because I extended the invitation to every creature who has ever billed me. Polite, fast, deadline-conscious—and one of the few of you I actually respect, for reasons she earned.
+Raincloud's shadow pacing continues.
+
+RAINCLOUD
+Commissioned artist of the court. Her work adorns these walls. Present today because I extended the invitation to every creature who has ever billed me. Polite, fast, deadline-conscious—and one of the few of you I actually respect, for reasons she earned.
 
 Jenni does a small, cordial curtsy. "Thank you :3" is implied but unspoken. Exits.
 
 CUT TO:
 
-Same void. **STARBOY** saunters in, chibi-proportioned despite the weight of the intro—teal-aqua layered hair, galaxy eyes, blue shearling-collar jacket, star hair clip. He winks.
+Same void. **STARBOY** saunters in with full stature befitting the scene—teal-aqua layered hair, galaxy eyes, blue shearling-collar jacket, large star and small cloud hair clips. He winks.
 
     **Starboy**
     *Starboy_Journeys   ·   Ruford / ijustdunnoanymore*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud's shadow pacing continues.
+
+RAINCLOUD
 Chaos comic, late arrival, impossible to ignore. Louder than he can afford to be, and funnier than he knows.
 
 /* the Ruford / ijustdunnoanymore subtext is a deliberate writer-side tell for later installments. Audience can read it or not. */
@@ -240,12 +256,14 @@ Starboy makes a kiss at the camera, then an obscene gesture, then another kiss.
 
 CUT TO:
 
-Same void. **BEANIE** strides in. Chipper, pierced, beanie hat pulled just-so; confident grin, comfortable posture, the easy carry of someone who has never lost a social exchange. /* Beanie has no ref sheet yet—proofread. */
+Same void. **BEANIE** strides in. Chipper, pierced, beanie hat pulled just-so; confident grin, comfortable posture, the easy carry of someone who has never lost a social exchange. She, unlike the others, is completely photorealistic.
 
     **Beanie**
     *beaniee__*
 
-RAINCLOUD (V.O.)
+Raincloud's shadow pacing continues.
+
+RAINCLOUD
 All-rounder, weekend menace, bi-hazard to any alliance. Sharp enough to snipe, warm enough to ally, chaotic enough to betray the room for a better joke. Close with Azure. Fair warning.
 
 Beanie flashes a peace sign, then a middle finger, then a peace sign again. Exits grinning.
@@ -256,16 +274,16 @@ INT. THE COURTROOM - FLOOR
 
 All nine champions now stand in a loose arc on the stone circle, the throne dais rising a few steps above them. Azure fidgets at the head of the arc. Rooster's beak tracks slow across the room. Adrian's off hand rests on the green-sword pommel at his hip; the other is in his pocket. Noname's antennae twitch once, at nothing. Ubear stares at the dais. Jenni's stylus rests against her tablet; she is reading something unseen on it. Starboy is chewing something. Beanie leans on Azure's shoulder; Azure does not object. Agate is still.
 
-On the cushion beside the throne, BD hasn't moved.
+On the cushion beside the throne, BD hasn't moved. He stares intently, happily, as though he appreciates the spectacle, but understands what's at stake.
 
-Rain stands. The first time he has stood in the film.
+Rain flaps his wings once, propelling himself back to the throne.
 
 RAINCLOUD
 The shape of the day.
 
 He gestures, once, at the **right wall** of the courtroom.
 
-/* The wall DOES NOT OPEN. The wall DISSOLVES into transparency, silently and instantly, from a single point at Rain's gesture outward — the gilded reliefs and fleur-de-lis cartouches lose their materiality in a ripple, going from solid stone to perfect clarity in under a second. The ornament's outlines remain faintly suggested at the perimeter, ghosted, so the audience can still read where the wall *was*. The stone frame holds. Only the middle has gone clear. */
+The wall *dissolves* into transparency, silently and instantly, from a single point at Rain's gesture outward — the gilded reliefs and fleur-de-lis cartouches lose their materiality in a ripple, going from solid stone to perfect clarity in under a second. The ornament's outlines remain faintly suggested at the perimeter, ghosted, so the audience can still read where the wall *was*. The stone frame holds. Only the middle has gone clear. It's not glass, it is as if the wall has ceased to be, but the inhabitants of the court are still shielded from the vacuum of space that surrounds the building.
 
 Beyond the transparency: **nothing.**
 
@@ -297,7 +315,7 @@ Sh.
 Rain continues, untroubled.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-You have one objective. Be the last of you standing. No teams recognized at the gate. No pacts enforced by me. No points. No rounds. You will fight. You will, most of you, lose. Whoever is left when the rest of you are not wins the BattleRoyale.
+You have one objective. Be the last of you standing. No teams recognized at the gate. No pacts enforced by me. No points. No rounds. You will fight. You will, most of you, lose. Whoever is left when the rest of you are not wins the BattleRoyale. Quite simple, really.
 
 Beat.
 
@@ -317,7 +335,7 @@ Two.
 He lowers the claw, lifts the other.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-You have twenty-four hours. If the field is not one by then, the bubble collapses regardless. The last of you standing at that moment wins. If there is no last — if the bubble closes on more than one of you at once — then no one wins, and I have a very long afternoon ahead of me. Don't put me through that.
+You have twenty-four hours. The bubble collapses regardless of whether or not the field is left with its sole survivor. The last of you standing at that moment wins. If there is no last — if the bubble closes on more than one of you at once — then no one wins, and I have a very long afternoon ahead of me. Don't put me through that.
 
 Nervous laughter from the arc. Beanie's is actually amused. Jenni's is polite.
 
@@ -344,7 +362,7 @@ When you are killed in the bubble, you will know. Your body will resolve into a
 A small beat.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-Do not underestimate the *unpleasant*. I am not being theatrical. I am being generous. Act accordingly.
+Do not underestimate the *unpleasant* nature of death. I am not being theatrical. I am being generous. Act accordingly.
 
 He exhales, a small and private thing, almost to himself. Settles back on the throne.
 
@@ -384,9 +402,9 @@ CUT TO:
 
 EXT. THE VOID - THE DESCENDING STAIRS - CONTINUOUS
 
-/* Vast vertical shot. The nine contestants are tiny silhouettes on a staircase of gilded-edged stone that hangs unsupported in a dreamscape black. The courtroom is behind them and above, now just a bright rectangular portal receding as they descend. The colosseum is ahead and below, resolving from a jewel into a structure. No wind. No sound but bootsteps on stone. The black around them has no stars — absolute. The staircase is the only thing in the universe that has geometry. */
+Vast vertical shot. The nine contestants are tiny silhouettes on a staircase of gilded-edged stone that hangs unsupported in a dreamscape black. The courtroom is behind them and above, now just a bright rectangular portal receding as they descend. The colosseum is ahead and below, resolving from a jewel into a structure. No wind. No sound but bootsteps on stone. The black around them has no stars — absolute. The staircase is the only thing in the universe that has geometry.
 
-They descend in near-silence. The colosseum grows. The chorus in its stands becomes audible — a murmur, a wash, tens of indistinct voices. The bubble, previously a ornamental jewel, becomes a ten-meter mountain of clear crystal on a gilded iron cradle.
+They descend in near-silence. The colosseum grows. The chorus in its stands becomes audible — a murmur, a wash, tens of indistinct voices. We can see the bubble through the aperture from here, previously an ornamental jewel, it becomes a ten-meter mountain of clear crystal on a gilded iron cradle. It distorts their perspective; the audience grows larger and larger from the vantage point on the ground.
 
 The stairs level off into the colosseum's lower ring, in the **shadow of the overhanging bleachers** — stone benches pitched steep above them, columns at regular intervals, the ceiling of the overhang ornamented in gilded low-poly fleur-de-lis. The aperture is ten paces ahead, a rippling blue sheet cut into the crystalline shell of the bubble, human-sized now, at eye level.
 
@@ -396,25 +414,26 @@ INT. THE COLOSSEUM - UNDER THE BLEACHERS - CONTINUOUS
 
 The aperture up close. It looks like nothing — a sheet of blue breath, faintly distorting the forest colors on the far side. Azure stands in front of it, Cena tee catching the rim-light, periwinkle silhouette rigid. Behind him, the others in their loose file.
 
-/* Above them, through the gaps in the bleacher benches, we glimpse chorus feet — hooves, claws, sneakers, a pair of tiny pirate boots — shifting. The audience is *right there*, directly overhead, waiting. The contestants do not look up. */
+Above them, through the gaps in the bleacher benches, we glimpse chorus feet — hooves, claws, sneakers, a pair of tiny pirate boots — shifting. They appear to be massive from here, due to the evident scaling effects of the bubble. The giants in the audience are *right there*, directly overhead, waiting. The contestants do not look up.
 
 AZURE
 (to nobody in particular)
 This is fine. This is — this is fine. I designed this.
 
 BEANIE
-You designed it from a *couch*, skekSil.
+You *dreamt* it, and from a *couch*, skekSil.
 
 AZURE
-With *passion*, Beanie.
+(lovingly)
+With *passion*, my Bean!
 
 Beanie flashes him the peace-sign/middle-finger/peace-sign combo from the vanity card. Azure laughs, a genuine one, and steps through.
 
 The aperture takes him like water takes a stone.
 
-The queue moves. Adrian through — calm, unhurried. Agate through — her wings fold tighter and she steps small. Ubear through — the gears bellow once and settle. Rooster through — the hem whispers on the threshold lip and vanishes. Noname through — the antennae dip, then the rest of him follows. Jenni through — polite nod to the aperture, like thanking it. Starboy through — a cartoon leap, hands out. Beanie last — pauses one beat, looks back across the void at Rain on his distant throne, winks, goes.
+The queue moves. Adrian through — calm, unhurried. Agate through — her wings fold tighter and she steps small. Ubear through — the gears bellow once and settle. Rooster through — the hem whispers on the threshold lip and vanishes. Noname through — the antennae dip, then the rest of him follows. Jenni through — polite nod to the aperture, as if thanking it. Starboy through — a cartoon leap, hands out. Beanie last — pauses one beat, looks back across the void at Rain on his distant throne, winks, leaps backwards dramatically. The aperture ripples closed behind her, a direct reference to the way Sirius Black disappeared behind the veil in the Department of Mysteries.
 
-The aperture ripples closed behind her.
+Static shot of the aperture, continuing to ripple.
 
 CUT TO:
 
@@ -448,7 +467,7 @@ Pan right.
 
 **PIRATE_PROTOGEN** — protogen visor muzzle, LED trim, tricorn hat, navy coat with brass buttons, cutlass on the hip, hologram parrot flickering on his shoulder. Standing. Gesturing emphatically at the sand floor with both arms, mid-rant, but the crowd wash swallows whatever he's saying. He slaps a fist into his palm once for emphasis, points at somebody, sits down, crosses his arms, satisfied.
 
-Beside him: **FOXY_FNAF5_UCN** — chibi fox-build, galaxy-print panels on ears / cheeks / top / shorts / tail-tip (indigo starfield with scattered stars), warm orange-gold base fur, eyepatch, hook hand, big fanged grin. Bouncing on the bench seat with both feet off the stone, pointing at the bubble and mouthing something urgent at Pirate_Protogen that the ambient swallows. Pirate_Protogen does not look over.
+Beside him: **FOXY_FNAF5_UCN** — chibi fox-build, galaxy-print panels on ears / cheeks / top / shorts / tail-tip (indigo starfield with scattered stars), warm orange-gold base fur, eyepatch, hook hand, big fanged grin. Bouncing on the bench seat with both feet off the stone, pointing at the bubble and mouthing something urgent at Pirate_Protogen that the ambient swallows. Pirate_Protogen does not look over, still in his pout.
 
 Pan up a tier.