unabridged nigtendo direct thoughts:

splatoon 3 dlc: don't care happy 4 u tho
Mario vs Donkey Kong: i find it really funny that the point of the game is for mario to prevent DK from stealing marketable mario toys from a factory. lulmao. kinda looks like a super simple baby game but i've never played the franchise so idk.
Prince of Persia: i like the artstyle, very different looking from my experinece with this franchise. could be promising. main character name sargon btw i just thought that was interesting
Horizon Chase 2: generic poopy mario kart knockoff
Super Crazy Rhythm Castle: generic poopy mario party knockoff
SPYxANYA Operation Memories: best twitch chat said "a game where you roleplay as a child... seems to be for a CERTAIN demographic" :pepelaugh:
Super Mario RPG: artstyle looks goofy af in nintendo's newer graphics. i feel like the lighting and modeling just looks a bit out of place among other nintendo games as of late? but a fair amount of the cinematics were reminiscent of the rendering style and quality of ssbu/world of light, which i thought was cool. doesn't mean your stupid wood doll is getting in the game you freaks. but hey as remakes go this is a bit of a fan favorite so actually good on ya big N.
Another Code Recollection: WHY TF DOES SHE MOAN EVERY MOMENT SHE'S ON SCREEN who tf approved that?? really awful english voice acting in general. looks like a fat L of a game that nobody cares about. leaks overhyped it with "it was *a* DS game guys" yeah that could have been anything but we got this? also it looks like this spoils the climax of the game and presents us with like all the story elements immediately. if you wanna give us a trailer to a game that we didn't really know about at least present it in an interesting way. it actually looks like it has potential because it doesn't look as generic as a lot of the crap they spew out but they presented it terribly. L nendo.
Princess Peach Showtime: looks quirky but uninteresting. I'm sure others will have fun with it tho. villain looks like a kirby boss.
SaGa Emerald Beyond: generic poopy persona knockoff. it's such a bingo board/drinking game thing for nintendo; you can just see them in the board room like "how do we present this in a way that western retards will think we're *not* corporate to the point of retardation? i seriously can't imagine a single person who would buy something like this, especially when presented this way. "play as x character who has x backstory, and y character with y backstory, turn based combat, epxansive world in a way we never seen in this before!" stfu nobody cares
Tomb Raider Remastered Collection: I agree with Arex's assessment that this seems reminiscent of the GTA """remaster"""... the visuals are hardly "upgraded," it really just looks like an upscale, and ngl the slight improvements in textures and models look super out of place in some places. like... idk. maybe if the halo mcc-ish feature of being able to swap between the different styles on the fly is cool...? if this is more overpriced scam garbage I want them to Do Not Pass Go Do Not Collect $200... remasters have their place. but if you sell this collection for anything less than $20... nigga I'm pretty sure the games are all already on PC/steam. I'd rather you just take these same games and do a full spiritual remake of the events in the game, like ff7 intergrade. it would be way cooler if they literally just took assets and engine behavior from Shadow of the Tomb Raider (2018) and just built around that.
Detective Pikachu Returns: I agree with arex, graphics do look bad. Weird that the cover seems to have a completely different rendering style, but welcome to the switch's bargain barrel hardware. Instantly fixed if they just got ryan reynolds to voice DP. I have vague interest in this series but they could seriously do so much better in so many ways, starting with graphically.
Trombone Champ: I agree with fruitman's assessment that it's pretty late to bring this to switch, but this was actually presented quite well, for once there was a little bit of self awareness in the announcer guys voice when he said "the controls are... unique" overall nothing to be mad about, it's an indie game that'll do well and people will have fun with it on this platform.
Battle Crush: again, nintendo is so out of touch to think their main audience needs to be told that the point of a game like this is to "get your enemies health to zero"... nigga just tell us it's league of legends battle royale fall guys and move on you might sell more copies that way
Wartales: all i needed to hear was "timed console exclusive"... yeah looks crap, this type of game will fare terribly on the switch's hardware. if this is just tryna capitalize on baldur's gate fever i think it's going to do pretty poorly... idk crap about this genre tho.
Contra Operation Galuga: another cool "reimagining" but man you niggas can't help but to do more to do so much less can't you. i agree with arex, likely to be overpriced.
Unicorn Overlord: generic poopy octopath knockoff. again, it's just so out of touch. the voice is deep and weird and the things he says are shallow and weird WAIT IS THAT A 10FT TALL MUSCLE MOMMY IN ARMOR WITH EXPOSED THIGHS nvm 10/10 will buy
Luigi's Mansion 2 HD: "HD" is an overstatement... if it had released on gamecube or especially if it was on wii u I'd just be like :pepeidk: just play that?? but 3ds to switch is an upgrade. i tentatively agree with fruitman's take; everyone thought we wanted more luigi's mansion until we got more luigi's mansion. like everything after the first game was just... ok to my understanding. never played myself ofc. this is a W tho overall.
Nintendo Museum: seems very out of place but broke up the monotony, seems cool
Amiibo: don't really care but it's cool they finally got all smash roster
F-Zero 99: biggest middle finger to f-zero fans of all time. MAKE A MODERN F ZERO GAME WTF ARE YOU DOING?? I'm sure it's fun but this is not even close to what people want out of nintendo's IPs. but actually arex that game was called "Super Mario Bros. 35" that's actually insane that its servers were only online for 6 months.
Bandle Tale: no alex the ENTIRE thing is a stardew knockoff. don't reward them for this unoriginal crap
Song of Nunu: looks marginally less boring. the past couple minutes really put the L in league.
WarioWare Move it: warioware never misses, big W, for Wario.
Eiyuden Chronicle Hundered Heroes: is this the third octopath-like of the direct? just stop. the idea and style is getting old. once again, the presentation just makes me want to give myself a manual dose of anesthesia. it's described in the most sterilized and boring way they possibly could describe it. out of touch af. "visit your home base, known as the headquarters" :pepega: seriously stfu, no more, mercy, pls
Eastward Octopia: again the earthboundish artstyle is unique but... nintendo stop ripping off stardew challenge: impossible
Wargroove 2: again, I'm really getting sick of the sterilized triple A nintendo pixel art RPG/strategy games just stfu go do something you're good at instead of trying to capitalize off the efforts of better-motivated indie devs
Dave the Diver: at least this is more out of the box with 3d modeling. kinda cool
Mario Kart 8 DLC: really couldn't care less myself as I don't play the game rn but genuinely good for you guys maybe I'll enjoy this one day
Among Us update: free map cool, funi animation cool. fruitman read out a nintendo chat member saying "we won" and his response was like "wdym among us fans are constantly eating good" and it's like yeah I'm just suprised that stupid game isn't dead yet
Paper Mario Thousand Year Door remaster: I strongly agree with fruitman's take that this remaster is highly unnecessary despite how much thousand year door fans have been clamoring for it for years. As he says, that game has aged very very well and looks great emulated. In his playthrough, he was frustrated with the insane amount of backtracking the game required of him on every single level. If you're going to revisit this game to port (ultimately it's more of a port than a remaster let's be honest) it to switch, you ought to be making some mechanical improvements... when fans of this game complain for a remaster it kinda screams to me more so that they're just too lazy to boot up Dolphin on whatever hardware is capable of running the game. It's legit not that hard; I played through all of new soup wii on my old laptop, upscaled to 720, and that laptop was nothing special specwise. It just goes to show just how much money nintendo could make by launching their own multi-emulator platform or just releasing stuff to steam. Because evidently nintendo babies need to be handheld (pun intended) by daddy corpo with an official remaster of every single game they liked from previous gens every single time a new console comes out. Nintendo WANTS you to be dependent on them in that way so they make more profit, so why do you retards beg and encourage them?? You niggas really want to pay minimum of $30 every single past gen game you could just play or emulate legally with your own hardware (or otherwise)? My unwavering corporate advice to nintendo is this: DO NOT be afraid to cannibalize yourself. It may prove to be the best thing profitwise to happen to the company in decades, and will help gamers everywhere be enriched by the experience of your games in the process. My unwavering consumer advice to nintendo babies is this: grow tf up and stop paying and moreover BEGGING Nintendo to PLEASE sell you an overpriced unnecessary remaster of every game you enjoyed because ofc they're going to do it if you're so willing to pay for it that you will BEG to pay for it. Don't let them get away with being lazy corporate slobs who throw an expired, rotting leg of ham out to the wolves to briefly satisfy their hunger. If you give them that road, they'll take it every time. So don't give it to em and practice some freakin standards for your purchasing decisions for cryin out loud.