begin manual rewrites

Story/0BattleRoyale.fountain

@@ -306,23 +306,19 @@ Finally. The thing I am obliged to tell you.
 He lets the moment settle. The warm-hosting-voice drops, briefly, into something quieter.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-If you die in the game, you won't die in real life.
+If you die in the game...
 
-Silence. A real one. Starboy's mouth opens, closes.
+Dramatic pause, forboding.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-But you still die. So, my advice to you is: don't. You can take it from me — death is unpleasant whether it's permanent or not.
+You won't die in real life. But you still die. So, my advice to you is: don't. You can take it from me — death is unpleasant whether it's permanent or not.
 
 Rooster's beak tips, slow, toward the dais. Adrian's off hand tightens, slightly, on the pommel. Agate's tail-tuft stops moving.
 
 RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-When you are killed in the bubble, you will know. Your body will resolve into a mist the color of the aura at the rim. You will disperse upward. You will reconstitute — rattled, whole, hungry — in a bay behind this theatre, where you will wait out the rest of the round. Everyone watches that happen to you. Everyone here will know when you are gone. No body, no confusion, no ambiguity. A poof. A column of mist. Gone.
+When you are killed in the bubble, you will know. Your body will resolve into a mist. You will disperse upward. You will reconstitute — rattled, whole, hungry — in a bay behind this theatre, where you will wait out the rest of the game.
 
-He lets the rule land.
-
-RAINCLOUD (CONT'D)
-/* the plant. The mist-poof is on-record as the confirmed-dead indicator. Its later absence during Ubear's cliff-throw is the audience's clue. */
-No mist, not dead. Simple as that.
+/*Truncated the detailed planting so it's not so on the nose.*/
 
 A small beat.